Opening up and being honest about what he was doing to me was the first step into my recovery. I started admitting to everyone I loved and who loved me that this man, I loved, was destroying me, and that I was scared - scared of him and myself. Through being honest with others, I had to be honest with myself. I started to relive some of the things I had been through over the past three years and I was shocked. I was so unaware of how dishonest I was being with myself. Through years of trauma, starting as a small child, it was normal for me to disassociate with myself; I had become so accustomed to living in devastating situations while maintaining my ‘outgoing’, ‘happy’ and ‘bubbly’ personality. I felt so numb inside. Every part of my body and mind was suffering. I started admitting I was not okay, and feeling safe to do that. I have laid myself bare and this is something I have never done before. It has brought nothing but good to me, my honesty has brought me so much closer to those I love, and brought new relationships to me that are pure and true. It has brought me confidence, I have spent my entire life hiding parts of me out of fear of rejection. But, I have been me. I have been so true to myself, I have laughed when I wanted to, cried when I needed to. I have told the truth and I have received nothing but love and admiration from the people around me; that is all I have ever wanted. My self-esteem has been boosted beyond anything I would have ever imagined a few years ago.
Since making the decision to be honest and true to myself I have received a wealth of positive energy. I can feel that energy spilling into and from my bones.
What I have learnt through being honest?
When we are dishonest with ourselves and those around us we invite negativity into our lives. Think about it like this: when you are being dishonest, whether you consciously admit it or not, you know. You suppress that thought or feeling. Lock it up. Yet, when you lock these thoughts up what else are you locking away? Lying or being dishonest upsets our energy and we know that lying is wrong. When we act against our truth the universe cannot deliver us what we deserve because you have locked your gateways – your thoughts. You don’t have to pretend to be happy. Be honest and see what happens.